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somewhere over the rainbow (and other stories)

  Exactly two years ago I found myself flying through a corner of a rainbow, and landed in Oaxaca, Mexico. It was the last film festival I traveled to, a brutal and sweet experience in the harshest of realities, trying to wrap my arms around the slipperiest industry and failing magnificently. Surrounded by fresh faces and eager eyes I ran from the rooms and into the street time and again, wandering off with the camera in my bag as a companion. I took pictures of a blind man that sang on the same corner every day, of wedding parades, of an old woman waiting to see the dentist.  Literally somewhere over the rainbow, I met the ugliest answers to questions I had been dragging my feet towards for years. Cramming the most delicious food into my mouth, joking at the nightly rooftop cocktail parties, grinning like the Cheshire Cat it was all coming to an end. Actually, it had ended before it even started though - and on the plane back to New York and finally Moscow the bone-crunching undertow
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FAR TOO SAD

 


For years I have avoided mirrors. I am not the man in the reflection. His face turns in on itself. He is overweight. His mouth and nose grow more crooked by the year, slowly turning into a cubist painting. Someday his nose will rest on one of his ears, I think. I do not want to see him and I do not think he wants to see me. 

Without the mirror, I can be this other person. He goes on adventures, and can do so much more than me. He plays piano for an entire afternoon for no reason. He writes songs that I could not, and sings them as if they are his own. But they are truly mine. He sings them quietly, unrushed. I like them on rainy days, on sunny days, late at night but never in the morning. They are far to too sad to hear in the morning.

In a few days, these songs will trickle out into the world. Strangers will hear them. They have no idea who I am and I like that very much. Just the music, the phrasing, the careful silences, maybe some of the words. Those words that are far too sad. 


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