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somewhere over the rainbow (and other stories)

  Exactly two years ago I found myself flying through a corner of a rainbow, and landed in Oaxaca, Mexico. It was the last film festival I traveled to, a brutal and sweet experience in the harshest of realities, trying to wrap my arms around the slipperiest industry and failing magnificently. Surrounded by fresh faces and eager eyes I ran from the rooms and into the street time and again, wandering off with the camera in my bag as a companion. I took pictures of a blind man that sang on the same corner every day, of wedding parades, of an old woman waiting to see the dentist.  Literally somewhere over the rainbow, I met the ugliest answers to questions I had been dragging my feet towards for years. Cramming the most delicious food into my mouth, joking at the nightly rooftop cocktail parties, grinning like the Cheshire Cat it was all coming to an end. Actually, it had ended before it even started though - and on the plane back to New York and finally Moscow the bone-crunching undertow
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It was not snowing when I got back. The airport could not hold me, bags somehow waiting like sleeping dogs on a stalled conveyor belt, no leery-eyed customs officer to poke in them as I wheel past, just the slick floor of the airport and a fast taxi. E called me every few minutes, asking how far away I was like she did when she was little. And then I am somehow back from an epic journey to the States and Mexico, zippers holding tough against the gifts inside the luggage. That smell at the back of V's neck, the first kiss with N, the jumping around, the wise-cracks, the cup of sweet black tea that grows cold somewhere on the floor as I pull the bags apart.

The living room looks like two Christmases have passed.

I slump into the couch and see that the trees outside are yellow, and an old wind is bending them hard. I feel different, maybe lighter, maybe more clear about what I must do now. But first I will slice into the cake N made that rests under a cloud of powered sugar. I will read a new book to V, and take a walk to the store with E like we used to, chewing through the big questions as we walk slowly kicking up leaves and stepping around the biggest puddles.

I am home.
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