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somewhere over the rainbow (and other stories)

  Exactly two years ago I found myself flying through a corner of a rainbow, and landed in Oaxaca, Mexico. It was the last film festival I traveled to, a brutal and sweet experience in the harshest of realities, trying to wrap my arms around the slipperiest industry and failing magnificently. Surrounded by fresh faces and eager eyes I ran from the rooms and into the street time and again, wandering off with the camera in my bag as a companion. I took pictures of a blind man that sang on the same corner every day, of wedding parades, of an old woman waiting to see the dentist.  Literally somewhere over the rainbow, I met the ugliest answers to questions I had been dragging my feet towards for years. Cramming the most delicious food into my mouth, joking at the nightly rooftop cocktail parties, grinning like the Cheshire Cat it was all coming to an end. Actually, it had ended before it even started though - and on the plane back to New York and finally Moscow the bone-crunching undertow

the young & the restless


There are certain hours in the dead of night when I am suddenly awake staring into the dark corners of the ceiling. My thoughts run wild, examining memories pasted with thick glue over the half-finished dream I may return to. I ask questions about the future, and am always surprised by how easy it is to erase the past. 

The pillow is turned, revealing its cool underside. My face presses against this soft calm, fingering back to the dream that is evaporating every second I am awake. Sometimes I find it, sometimes I toss and turn for hours until it is time to make coffee, wandering around like a mummy in some old film, bare feet scraping against the cold tiles of the kitchen floor. 

I never had a mid-life crisis, because I was in a do-or-die-life-crisis instead. Hell bent on survival and protecting my child, I took a massive detour around all of those questions 40 year-olds ask themselves while staring out of dark windows. Waking up at 50, I have homework to do, some required reading. 



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