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cold nostalgia

There is a note, stuck to the front entrance of our building. The hot water will be turned off for ten days. This is something that happens every summer, although it snowed a week ago and children wander the playgrounds in ski hats these days. At night it can be 40 degrees fahrenheit.  The hot water is always turned off like this, at some point during June or July. It is a long-standing Soviet tradition, and people begrudgingly accept it here. But the baby, V does not. She wants to stand in a hot bath before she goes to sleep, to splash and pour water all around her, and N. She wants to stand and wiggle her tiny hands under the spout, as she grows pink and clean, as she howls and shouts for us to see what new trick she has improvised. There is no explanation for her, why the hot water is off today, and will be tomorrow. She is angry, furious even.

I used to buy the story that this offered a chance for the water department to fix pipes, to take care of routine maintenance. Hot water c…

the lens never lies (simple and messy)




The children are waiting. Their teacher is all smiles, a great ring of keys on his desk. I build the camera, pulling each accessory from the case as they follow each movement. 15mm rods. Follow focus. Top grip. Monitor. There are no lights with us because of the giant windows in each room. The sun is soft and pale, wrapping around their faces.

The concept of this film is so dense, so odd that they simply think our work today is "the daily life in a school". The fact that there are only four children in it, does not inspire any follow-up questions. We shoot a series of long, wide takes of a history lesson and then an English one. E is at the front desk, as this is really her half of the episode. Her face is serene, lost in thought as the other children wiggle hands in the air, or rock back and forth in their chairs.

I like this idea, to have the girl sitting next to her pass a note. It is actually the girl's invention. The camera hovers above the scratched surface of the desk. The note is scribbled, a paper folded once and it slides towards E, who reaches out and takes it. One gentle, continuous movement. This is inspired by a scene from Bresson's Pickpocket, now that I see it through the lens. All hands and seamless gestures. I try to explain this to the teacher, but maybe my fast speech and excitement are confusing. He gets it, I am happy, and that is all that matters.

We shoot a boy who chews nervously on the edge of his shirt next. He has freckles.

There are shots of them going down stairs, and going up stairs. Shots of them walking down halls, and running down halls. It is the everyday, in a wide frame. To me, this speaks volumes.

The last shot of the children is a long take of them getting dressed at their lockers. The light is behind them, and they are silhouettes, snapping and chattering with that ease that only children possess. The lens never lies.

And then, I send them home with handshakes and thank you's. I ask if the last two hours were anything like they thought it would be. I hear a great no from them. They thought I would shoot handheld, with a giant lens on the camera.

Now it is just E and the camera in a giant, dark cafeteria. She sits with her head on a table. The light is perfect. There is soft chrome and empty tables all around her. She raises her chin, staring off at nothing particular. She mumbles a few words to herself, clasps her hands in prayer and then says "amen". A peanut butter and jelly sandwich wrapped in white paper crackles open and she takes a bite. This is her character in the film, a young woman that copes with her strange life by improvising prayers, not that she has any religion or church experiences to rely on. It is the fruit of her own construction, simple and messy.







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