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running away with the circus (looking for dolphins)

There are three of them, a brazen woman with bright eyes and a big voice, a man going grey with a hop in his step and a younger woman who might be their daughter or their niece that twists her short hair into little tufts. They roam the hotel, sometimes in elaborate costumes, letting us know that there will be a secret dance party near the ballroom in an hour.

The older woman strolls in during dinner in a costume of blinking Christmas lights and exotic face paint. V stares up at her, convinced she is a princess or a fairy or maybe both. The next night, she is all in black, great horns wobbling on her head. She always has a pair of black Converse high tops on, as if they go with every costume or maybe they are the only shoes she owns.

The man is typically dressed as a pirate, in a striped shirt, maybe an eye patch. He is perfectly relaxed, like his limbs are made of silly straws. The younger woman is always smiling, her mouth a wall of metal braces and lip gloss. I imagine they sleep …

3AM - the Devil plays guitar

3AM, and the airport coffee tastes especially weak. The thick layer of stale cinnamon I did not ask for floats on the top, adding nothing. A man and a woman approach slowly and sit at the table next to mine. She is in red, from head to toe. A waitress appears, drops menus in front of them. He opens a plastic box meant for leftovers. It is full of eggs.

He begins to peel one. The woman sighs, and does not open the menu. The waitress returns, her hands jumping into the air. Her voice cuts across the empty space.

He offers the egg to her, half surprised there is a problem. The woman stands up, her chair squeaking across the floor. I smell her perfume, thick and floral - powdery. He finishes peeling the egg, salts it then holds it gingerly between his fingers, half-standing up to follow her.

The man sits back down, and eats it in three sloppy bites.


The rain is heavy, like giant soft pancakes. I am flying on September 11th, by choice. Yawning, searching for oxygen I rub my eyes and stand on one foot then the other, trying to stay awake.  The plane will board at five. I want to enjoy this trip, to wrestle with a pile of papers in my bag - the last story for my new book. I will thrust a fresh cartridge in the Montegrappa, mark a few points in juicy red ink that soaks through the cheap paper.

I will ignore the threats piled up on my phone, the text messages and emails from a madwoman. E will be ok, even if she keeps us from talking for seven days. She knows I am coming back with giant boxes of gifts, with Hello Kitty rain boots, with harmonicas.

The latest scandal is about music school. E wants to learn the guitar, and the conservatory happily assigned a teacher to us. Piano, violin, recorder - all of no interest to her. Her mother babbles and screams over the phone at me. She says I am the Devil if I destroy E's life by letting her learn the guitar. It is an instrument for idiots, she says. No, E must play the piano like she does (or pretends to). This, or I will never see my daughter again. The typical threat. The typical madcap ultimatum. I have a personal terrorist, one thorn, one bag of salt to run into every wound. She is tireless, and wise. She is reckless and sloppy.

She should be ignored, but there is always a moment when I look over my shoulder, when the hair on my arm prickles as the police pass close to me.

Ten years ago I was as innocent as E. The brutality of the world was a story told to me, defused in its translation. Vicious acts were the stuff of movies, of video clips from faraway lands.

Not any more.




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