Skip to main content

Featured

(looking for) the heartbreaker

It has been more than two months sitting at the little white table in the living room, writing. Pushing out pages, fixing these pages, living with these pages then waking up and chewing them apart again, then adding on a new section. It is a mill, grinding the raw ideas down to a fine powder that may somehow rise and become bread. Or it may not. So many thoughts begin with "what if". What if they get stuck in an old elevator? What if she is not home when they come the first time? What if she is coming back from the market and passes them on the stairs? What if the driver is older? Or younger? What if his brother shows up instead? The questions are greater than the results on the page, the dialogue is whittled down to nubs of something recognizable.

There are cold cups of coffee, emails that go unanswered. The light comes and goes, and most of the work is done in the dark in more ways than one. Cooking dinner helps. Playing some guitar helps. If you are not careful you forge…

black like them


I see one of them, in stiff orange coveralls in front of our new place each morning when I return from taking E to school. As I approach he dips his head, sweeping a path with a bunch of twigs wrapped into a makeshift broom. I say dobrei, to him, a casual version of morning. He mumbles something back. He was surprised the first time I did this. These people with black hair and gold teeth, the garbage collectors, the painters of fences are invisible to most here. He could be from Uzbekistan, or Tajikstan, maybe even Azerbaijan. They leave family behind, traveling to Moscow to make money that is sent back, sleeping 10 or 15 to a single room apartment.

Black caps pulled down over ears, rarely a clean shave, hands shoved into pockets wearing thin coats I see them around the train station. As they arrive from far off places, the militia is poised to ask for documents, proof of an address in Moscow, registration papers. All too often I see them standing for some time, without bribe money in their pocket. That look on their face, the arrival and the quick dousing of hope as they are shoved into police cars, or even long buses that cart them all of to a holding facility.

Yes, people are bringing opium and narcotics on these trains. Yes, the laws are the laws here. But they are enforced randomly. Racial profiling is a runaway problem in Moscow.

I think of the protests back home, about Ferguson, about what happens in Florida. It feels all too familiar. At the same time, I want to call people up and say "but you can protest, you can walk in the street and shout whatever you want, without scheduling things, without asking permission." It sounds like I am saying a half-bruised apple is better than a whole bruised apple, so I let this thought dissolve into nothing. In Moscow, every six months or so one of these "blacks" is killed or beaten severely by the militia. There is a messy call for gathering, a reaction to blatant, unmotivated violence. The embassy issues warnings to me to stay away from this square, or that shopping center. I pass these places the next day, seeing the lines of prison buses parked in the cold air. There are rings of militia, standing in groups smoking cigarettes, machine guns slack at their sides. My hand jumps to my chin, unshaved, the black hat pulled down over my ears. I do not breathe as I pass them, and remind myself to come back a different way, even though my documents are always in my pockets even when I go downstairs to buy milk.

In Moscow these protests never happen, or are shut down in minutes, with a few hundred new detainees in those buses. Here, the right to say "this is wrong" is rare. It is for white people, with iPhones and a job in a bank.

All the same, I say good morning to this man. I want him to know I that I see him.




Comments

David said…
What you and I know, have witnessed and seen, the average American does not know. The news they get is mainstream. It is always converse to what you and I have witnessed.

Popular Posts

best personal blogs
best personal blogs