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(looking for) the heartbreaker

It has been more than two months sitting at the little white table in the living room, writing. Pushing out pages, fixing these pages, living with these pages then waking up and chewing them apart again, then adding on a new section. It is a mill, grinding the raw ideas down to a fine powder that may somehow rise and become bread. Or it may not. So many thoughts begin with "what if". What if they get stuck in an old elevator? What if she is not home when they come the first time? What if she is coming back from the market and passes them on the stairs? What if the driver is older? Or younger? What if his brother shows up instead? The questions are greater than the results on the page, the dialogue is whittled down to nubs of something recognizable.

There are cold cups of coffee, emails that go unanswered. The light comes and goes, and most of the work is done in the dark in more ways than one. Cooking dinner helps. Playing some guitar helps. If you are not careful you forge…

not now

i cannot write today. i want to, but there are much more important things going on right now. i cannot turn an elegant phrase this Monday. The phones are ringing all day, and I must answer them and solve some major issues as fast as possible. E is OK. N is OK. The cat is  - well, she always has a tough time. With luck I will write later in the week, for the first time. Or a double for next week. I promise.

OK, the phone is ringing.

And in my head a song is banging around...

I imagine a moment after this black and terrifying one I am in now, one where I can be silly.

Comments

Hey, got your email. And I totally understand! We'll send a really cool Christmas card when we get closer to the date! My girlz would love a Russian penpal!!
best!
julianne
Yulia said…
Dear Rabbit Blogger,

My name is Yulia Amlinskaya, I am a Russian language teacher at the Spanish Embassy in Moscow (Russia).

I would like to present my Russian Language Web Page which contains a great variety of grammar, vocabulary and communication exercises, podcasts, reading materials, Russian songs with exercises, etc. You can also find a lot of information on Russian literature, history, traditions, etc.

The blog was officially recognized as One of The Best Language Teaching Blogs 2010.

The blog is based on interactive exercises, which can be done online.

http://russificate.blogspot.com/

It could be interesting and useful for all Russian learners and people interested in Russian life, language and culture. It is completely free.

I would be glad to cooperate with you and receive your questions or suggestions about the blog.

I would also be happy if you could add my blog to your page, as I´ve just added yours to my blogroll and become your follower.

Thank you!

Kind regards,

Yulia Amlinskaya.

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